Fly Through the Air With the Greatest of Ease

My friend Kate gave me the book A Conscious Bride by Sheryl Nissinen. She said that it really helped her process some of the feelings she was having before her wedding. I kept telling her I was going to read the book, but secretly never planned on it because I did want to be “that type” of bride. You know the type, those who are consumed by their wedding so much that all they even read are books or magazines about being the best bride a woman can be.

Monday I found myself without a book to read on the bus and nothing on my book shelf that inspired me, so I reluctantly grab Kate’s book and made my way to the bus stop. Now, there are definitely parts of the book that do not apply to me. But some of it has struck a chord with me. The author is pretty insistent that one of the worst things a bride can do is plan the wedding day down to the last minute detail. She says that chaos is always present at a time like this and chaos, or how she refers to it as, Pan doesn’t adhere to schedules. She say accept Pan as a guest at your wedding. Let him in, give him a seat, and if you are aware he is going to be there, he is a little less scary. So, while I think it is important to have a schedule, I am surrendering myself to the chaos that is my wedding. Pan can have his way with me.

Sheryl also talks about the sadness that can accompany weddings. Reading this part of the book was actually the first time I had let myself think of the wedding as a sad thing. Andy’s grandma won’t be able to make it to the wedding and I know that is hard for him. He understands why she can’t make it up here and that is part of the reason we are taking a road trip this summer, but I know that is still something that is weighing on his heart. My mom is sad because her parents are not here to see me get married. I think my mom’s dad would have loved Andy. And I am sad that while my dad’s parents will most likely be at the wedding, it won’t be the same. My grandma probably won’t remember why she is going to a wedding and won’t remember it once she leaves. Both of their health is at such a state that they probably won’t be able to stay for very long. I think by acknowledging this, it won’t blind side me on the day of.

16 days and counting. I have to remember to wear my wedding shoes tonight, I have to break them in.